Blessing, Burden or Both?
If you have taken on the responsibility for your aging parent, you may be finding it a rewarding and very overwhelming experience. Over the past ten years, I have watched many friends take care of their aging parents, myself included. It often falls on just one child, either the one that lives the closest or he who steps up to the plate. It is often a very emotional blessing and a heavy burden. As a caregiver may feel overwhelmed, anxious or intimidated by some of the daily tasks they you must complete. Add in the guilt of uncertainty about all of decisions that you have to make for your parent. It is not easy.
Below are a few of the challenges you may face.
An impact on finances. First you will need to figure out your parent’s finances. If you parent hasn’t planned for their future as well as needed, the financial burden may be on you. You may try to provide all of the care by yourself in the beginning, quickly realizing that you need help. And help is not inexpensive. The longer you provide care for a loved one, the more financial strain you will feel. We took in my mother-in-law with Dementia thinking that since we worked from home, and she walked and showered and fed herself that we could easily handle it. After nights of her awake and breaking things and waking everyone and feeling lost, and then actually wandering- it didn’t take long to realize that she needed full-time care that we really could not provide at home.
Time management issues. Can we talk guilt?! Caregivers spend so much time on caregiving duties that other activities tend to fall by the wayside. Your own kids or spouse may feel neglected. You may sacrifice vacations or hobbies or being with friends because you need to focus on providing care for your loved one and then care for your family, the house, the pets, your regular life, etc.! This often tears people up with guilt, that no matter what they do, it is not enough, there are just not enough hours in a day!
Declining health. The physical demands of being a family caregiver can often take a toll on your overall health, especially when duties involve lifting and helping with mobility. Additionally, when caring for a loved one with Dementia, there is often a high level of emotional stress, which can also negatively impact your health and wellness.
Having my mother-in-law with us was like a constant game of Where’s Waldo-as we could not let her out of our sight, as she might light the gas stove or walk out the door. Once, a quick grocery store outing, she left and hitch-hiked home! Scary. It is important to practice self-care (think long hot baths and massages!) and remember there is caregiver support out there to help you and your loved one get the help they need.
Feeling sleep deprived. Are you up two-three times a night, or more, with you loved one? One’s sleep-wake cycle may be impacted by chronic health conditions like Alzheimer’s and Dementia, which can lead to sleep deprivation for you as well. When you’re already feeling the strain of being burned from both ends while providing care, tending to other family members and maintaining a career, lack of sleep can have serious implications on your health.
Risk of social isolation. Where have all of those dinner invitations gone? It’s common for caregiving duties to take up a great deal of your free time, which makes it difficult to run out to dinner or go see a movie with friends. If you aren’t maintaining those important social connections in your life, you could be putting yourself at risk for depression. Always take care of your mental health! If need me, have someone take over for a few hours or a day, or look for places that do respite care to give you a longer, much deserved break.
Constant feelings of guilt. Guilt-it is five letter word that acts like a four letter word! Feeling guilty is so common among family caregivers. Who knows what is right all of the time, when this may be the first time you have had to deal with memory care issue and Dementia? You might be questioning yourself and worried about doing the right thing. At the same time you may be afraid to seek help from others or professionals, thinking that asking for assistance is a sign of weakness or that you’ll be letting your loved one down.
It’s important to recognize that as a family caregiver, you’re doing the work of an angel. When you’re putting so much effort into your caregiving duties, you may start to neglect your own well-being, which can negatively impact your physical, emotional, mental and financial health. Look out for your own self-care. Seek help. Go easy on yourself.